The news of the day as seen from the perspective of a pensionable domestic moggy called Fluffy.

Thursday, November 07, 2002

The dot-com crash

I'm a dot-com. And I've been asleep all afternoon.

Welcome to Fluffyworld...

...at my very own domain name! Cor!

I'm just a cat, but now I'm a corporate monster, too.

(Fluffyworld.com is a brand name of Fluffy Corporate Enterprises PLC.)

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

A techie moment

I don't see myself as a geek. I don't have the specs, for starters. But I like to feel that I remain on top of current developments in IT. So I was amused to see that Intel's new chip, with transistors less than one thousandth of the width of a human hair, has the codename Prescott.

For my overseas readers, John Prescott is the deputy prime minister of the UK. And a fat bastard.

He's also well known for being the pro-public transport minister who owns two Jaguars, hence his nickname 'Two Jags'. Perhaps the popular press will nickname the new chip 'Two Gigs'. Except it will be a lot faster than 2 GHz, so they probably won't bother.

Thinner chips with everything, BBC News Online, 6 November 2002

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

Not-so-light entertainment

They were out late last night, resulting in me missing the last episode of The Office. Obviously, other people enjoy it more than I do because it is, ultimately, a comedy of recognition, but it still has its moments. Never having been a penpusher myself, some of it goes over my head.

In fact, I think it would difficult for me to devise a show that would be a comedy of recognition. Apart from something like Two Fat Thirtysomethings Living in Peckham. Not so much fly-on-the-wall as cat-in-the-corner.

Monday, November 04, 2002

Bad breath

It's been brought to my attention that my breath is less than perfume-like. I would like to make it clear that I would be happen to gargle a little mouthwash but have you tried getting into a childproof container lately?

Sorry, but coming out with a comment like "have you tried getting into a childproof container lately" makes me sound like the lamest kind of stand-up comedian. Next I'll be saying things like "What about that Margaret Thatcher, ladies and gennelmen?" My name is Fluffy, not Ben "Twatface" Elton. So there.

Back to the mouthwash. The solution to my problem is simple. Buy a different brand, Fatboy!


As I was saying earlier, I can manage a few simple phrases (like "Aren't you George Best?") but it does tend to freak people out. So, I've been trying to introduce the gruesome twosome to the fact that I can speak by saying 'Hello'. Well, he's picked up on it. She's a little slower. But I think I surprised her this morning. I mean, imagine living with me for so long and not realising that I can speak the Queen's English?

My pronunciation does leave a bit to be desired but until I evolve a proper voicebox etc, it's the best I can do.