The news of the day as seen from the perspective of a pensionable domestic moggy called Fluffy.

Friday, January 10, 2003

Allot of nonsense

She was pretty happy tonight because she's been offered an allotment. Wot?!

Apparently, she's decided she wants to grow soft fruit. Raspberries, plums, tomatoes and all that jazz. But no cat chunks. No ID diet. So wot's the point?

Still, she's a strapping farm girl type and she needs the exercise. Check it out: One Tree Hill Allotment Society

Wednesday, January 08, 2003


He's getting quite good at miaowing, although his accent is terrible. He sounds like he's from Birmingham. But, despite the lack of comprehension, it's nice to get the pretence at least of a conversation, especially in the mornings. You know, I've been round the house, checking out what's going on, while they've been asleep. I've got a lot to get off my chest. Especially stuff from The Learning Zone, always a good view after I've had my fill of 24 hour news.

But why not put on a few good films in the wee small hours, eh? I can always watch Die Hard again. I should get myself a white vest, actually, I'd look pretty hard.

OK. I'm rambling.

Sexism (again)

This joke originated from someone who looks like Gareth from The Office...

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks,
interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...Two men and a

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions,
no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your
wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent
said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard,
one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This
gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them

Listen, some of us have been busy...

So, none of your crap about 'Oooooh, Fluffy's really lazy, she doesn't update her blog' and all that. It's a new year and I've got a whole new bunch of things to say.