Chicken shit

For ages, I've been on a special crunchy diet designed to make my poos regular and firm. Every so often, however, the BFFP doesn't do the food providing as she ought to, resulting in painful and runny doo-doo. I love Felix pouches, but my system just can't handle them anymore.

Now, she's decided to vary the crunchy stuff will the 'light' version. In other words, chicken crunchies. Chicken shit, more like. I don't expect caviar, just proper grub.

Cat burglar

I've a certain amount of sympathy for the poor sucker nabbed here, having done 'bird' myself in my reckless youth.

Hey, I'm still alive

I've just got writer's block. It happens to all creative geniuses.