The news of the day as seen from the perspective of a pensionable domestic moggy called Fluffy.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

The F-Plan Diet: Eat Yourself Thin The Fluffy Way

People say to me, "Fluffy, how come you are so thin when all you do all day is sleep and eat." And I say to them, "Piss off with that moralising tone."

But I am exceptionally slim for a moggy of my years. I should be getting fat but instead I'm as springy and sprightly as a flea on speed. How do I do it? Well, my carefully-honed diet consists of (a) some crunchies; (b) demanding small morsels of food at regular whenever they go near a fridge and (c) lots of licky plates when they're done scoffing.

Actually, all that vocalising really takes it out of you. Your diaphragm is a pretty darn big muscle. Combine that with jumping on worktops to snaffle food...

Nobody likes the new design

Okay, it is a bit twee, it's obviously been designed by the people that brought you 'Little House on the Prairie'. But it was an emergency cos I ballsed-up the old one.